State of the Steff: A Doubleheader

I'm finally going to get a massage. I think I physically need it. I've ripped myself too many new muscles to not be getting intense massage therapy. So, gearing up to it, I'm going to push myself hard. I hurt anyhow, so why not just keep hurting? A trainer once said to me about rehabbing: "If it's not changing the nature of your pain, there's no need to let up."

I'm trying to remember that, so I climbed the stairs AND cycled today, so that's about 75 minutes of seriously intense cardio, since I sought steep hills on the bike.

I think that's the difference this time with my weight loss. Before, I always figured just "exercising" was enough, so I'd look for flat bike rides or easy hikes. These days, I'm forcing myself to go the hard way. And it fucking sucks every time, and then it's over, and then I get the high, and I know I actually achieved something, 'cos I'm conscious of the numbers. For example, I reached the summit of the hill tonight 3 minutes sooner than last week, or an improvement of 15% in speed, and that's at the end of a long day. Stairs loom painfully on my morning's horizon. Insert groans here.

You know, it's like that bumper sticker. "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet." And everyone wants it to be easy. But it takes a lot of conviction and motivation, and fucking lot of sweat. I've had a lull the past three weeks or so, I needed a break I guess, a mental restocking of sorts. I'm dialing it up now. Switching it on. I'm wanting it more.

Besides, even 2.5 days of eating healthy's just ramping up my energy something sick. Try changing your life when energy's just a thing the world's having a crisis about 'cos you sure as fuck haven't got any, you know? Not so easy.

The last couple of weeks I've languished hanging out at the loss of 23-25 pounds. Three weeks, actually. It's 'cos it's just 4 pounds from the weight I was in college. It's a big benchmark for me, something I've known, and once I go past that, then I have no excuse to stop achieving things. I think I'll pass that benchmark this week. I'm getting that drive that I've been waiting for. Nutrition... bigger a deal than mass food producers want you to know, man.

I'll hold off weighing myself for a few days. Calorie counting and exercising, together at last. We'll see how it all shakes down. I shall report at the end of the weekend.

[If anyone wants the super healthy but really tasty and filling baked falafel recipe I'm using for "fuel" this week, let me know.]