The State of the Steff:Methods for the Madness of Change

My getting my shit together continues. Each day, something else is getting dealth with this week, and it feels pretty good to be making things happen rather than having things happen.

[Shrug] We all go off our paths sometimes and I don't know how I got so far off mine, but it's nice to be ending that era. And I'm thankful I know how to do it.

In case anyone else out there's been kind of languishing in the same rut I was in, and is hoping to still use the "sort of a new year" momentum to change that, maybe I'll try explaining some of the method behind my madness.

As I've said elsewhere, I know my entire life needs reworking. Or, at least, I feel it does, ergo it does.

Sitting around during Christmas, I was a little overwhelmed in thinking of just how much change I wanted to bring to my life. How could I possibly do it, I wondered? And where, pray tell, should I possibly begin it all?

I decided to get my head in the game, first. Really understand the kinds of changes I wanted to make, then try to understand exactly what I'd need to make that happen. This was change from "the top down", I decided. Change the mind, the life will follow. Something like that.

The trouble is, change doesn't happen in the mind all at once. Like any skill, powerthinking comes from practice and force of habit, and that, I knew, was going to take me a hell of a long time... especially if it takes me a month to get my new PIN number right for my debit card, man.

But I could start there. It could be an ongoing project. Hell, it'd hafta be an ongoing project. The next thing I knew I had to change was that my home had begun to feel like my hell, and I was tired of feeling like it was controlling my life. I had to strip some of it away, and reorganize whatever remained. This has been a month-long project but I'll be completely finished in a few days and I can't convey the change that it's created inside me... yet.

I figured the next step would be my diet. Not "I'll eat a grapefruit and nothing more!" diet, but what I eat and how I eat. I figured that, in the cleaning and reorganizing phase, I'd drastically reinvent my kitchen by way of creating a walk-in pantry in my now much-less-full ensuite storage unit. There, I've moved all my appliances, big pots and pans, and canned goods. I mean, hey, I'm a great cook, but seldom have been enjoying the fruits of my labours and all because I've despised my kitchen for a long time with its clutter and crampedness.

But getting the home organized makes the kitchen more useable and friendly, but it also means less of my time will be spent "cleaning" when the truth was, I was just too unorganized to have a clean home. Now cleaning will be easy and quick. With the more time I'll have and little clutter, I'm now excited to cook after I finish my reorganizing this weekend. And when I cook more, two things will happen. One, I'll be eating healthier, better portions, and will have more energy, but I'll also feel happier and more fulfilled on several levels, because that's what enjoying healthy good food made at home does for people. Two, I'll save money because I'll be eating more veggies and fresh foods that are cheaper, but I'll also be bringing my lunches to work.

That, in turn, will improve my finances. And if I'm able to cook enough food all at once that I have leftovers for a few days, working the occasional overtime won't be such a burden on the rest of my life, and the money will be the reward.

Money, then, will continue the positive cycle. Even having just another hundred or two of spending money will give me the opportunity to do some of the things I've been needing for my self-esteem for a long time: clothes and taking better care of this fabulous woman called ME. It will also make it possible to take little adventures and have a little life this year. I'll be able to be social, to meet new people, to enjoy this town of mine a little. And I can do day excursions this summer to try things that scare the shit out of me but some part of me wants to do, like paragliding, skydiving, and things like that. Hell, doing only one of them will make my year worth it. Doing more, though... Whew. Who knows.

And in the midst of all that, are two other goals. Slowly, but surely, I'll be tapping myself into as many social networks as I can this year. I don't want to rush into it, though, because that's how you meet the wrong people -- the people you can't learn from, the leeches, the assholes. By "rushing" I mean forcing oneself to be social and taking what comes down the pipes rather than calculating to meet the sort of people you know are a good fit for the life you're aiming for. I won't be making the rushing mistake again like I did a couple years back. Slow and steady. I'm great at making new friends, I'm just out of practice. Show me a room, I'll show ya how to work it, baby. Sex is a part of this, too. I'm a bit loathe to throw myself into anything right this minute, despite the awakening of my libido of late, because I don't think my headspace is strong enough to handle the mind-fucks that can come with having a sex life, even a casual one, so... I'm waiting for a "natural" situation to present itself rather than me trying to orchestrate something. It'll happen. I'm so not worried about that.

The other goal is, to constantly try to make activity a bigger part of my life. With spring on the horizon, that's not going to be a problem. I've been carefully trying to set a stage for that by taking up yoga through My Yoga Online (which has been so effective I've been in agony the last couple of weeks from crazy-ass toning happening all over that's resulted in two fun-filled weeks of hellish spasms in my neck and shoulders. My bad, I need to stretch more. Now that the spasms have taken leave, I can return to the yoga. Yay!) and just choosing to walk more, that sort of thing.

Next week's payday, the first one in two months that I can afford to spend on anything other than necessary things. So, I'll be back to the gym and also joining a second gym.

Simply said, these days, I'm laying some very, very important groundwork for the weeks and months ahead. An organized home will be the basis of a very full and metamorphic year ahead, is exactly what I'm telling myself. There's still a long road ahead of me, but at least I'll have a nice sanctuary to retreat to in between the madness of it all. There's that.

So, if you're needing a change like I've been needing, my advice is: Figure out what you want and how to get there. Do the unsexy, unexciting groundwork-laying like I've been doing, and then you'll be able to run with the momentum you create down the road. That's my thinking. I'm expecting life to get big and fast and fun and crazy, and, when it does, I'll be ready to run with it because every bit of the little shit in my life will have been dealth with last month and this month.

Think of it like having a big-ass boulder you want to roll down a huge hill and see how far and fast it'll roll. You want a smoother, faster, further trip, then go clear out all the debris and rocks and stuff, and then you'll be set to go with the roll, baby.

Speakin' of rollin'... better get me on the go. Something about a job I have or somethin'. Have a wicked hump day, folks.