Christmas and Resolutions

This Christmas comes with an interesting sensation. I have been having a silent conversation with myself since August, filled with promises that I'd give myself until Christmas to get my shit together and get myself into the headspace of being ready to take on the world in every area of my life.

Starting with the new year, I'll be dating again and taking chances in all areas, things like wanting to travel, learn to surf, and learn to snowboard. New things. New goals. New places. I began meeting new people earlier this year but all the people I met were just nice and interesting. No one has really challenged me or made me feel like I had to live up to them, you know what I mean?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, exactly, but I do know that I'm looking.

Which brings me back to my opening. Today I have that keen sense of anticipation that the New is almost here. It's my launching-off point.

I simplified my life this week. My posting from a couple days ago, about dread and fear and complications, has been resolved. Not a problem anymore. Dread? Gone. Replaced with optimism and hope.

But I'm still here, still on the verge of that plateau. Before I get there, I've got to finish cleaning up, get over my cold, prepare a wicked, decadent dinner for friends and family on Christmas eve, get drunk on port and wine with all of my favourite people, clean up again, hang out for a couple days with my older brother, and then: Bold new life, here I come.

I heard a quote lately that I really dug: Dream as if you're gonna live forever, but live as if you're gonna die today. So, I want to try and be that, live that. If I have a New Year's Resolution, it's to really live every single day for the next year. Every single day, do something that makes that day something unto its own. It doesn't need to be huge, crazy. It will be fun sometimes to have it be huge, crazy, but other days I'd like meaningful and surprising, if small (or not).

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And now for something completely different. When I originally posted this, I was totally obnoxious and a bit rude, so I apologize for the obnoxious posting, and this has been edited. 

A guy emailed me something that just made me shaking my head, and I guess I should share. He asked, "feel free not to answer this but having all those car accidents and health injuries are your female parts all working can u still have a baby." Me, I thought the question was a bit much, but I guess that's the pandora's box I've opened for myself.

Okay, here's the deal. I'm a fucking disaster on legs, okay? Three car-totalling accidents (always their fault), thrown from a horse, thrown from a scooter, fallen down a flight of stairs... And on my entire body, I have 2 very small scars, neither from any of my accidents just mentioned, and one 2 cm long, the other 3/4 cm. I've never broken a bone, and I've never had any internal injuries. I've had strained and shredded muscles, blown knees, blood clots in my face, and other fun, usually ugly, injuries that have always healed flawlessly and left no marks.

And can I still have kids? Well, who cares? I don't want them. I'm sure I can, but had that been the only lasting injury, I'd probably have been a really, really happy camper.