My Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

I think too much sometimes, and this is one of those days.

I'm procrastinating before cleaning up. Then I need to run around town on a few errands. Try to get slightly tighter versions of all the shirts I bought two weeks ago, since weightloss has now begun. Pick up my new glasses. Buy something delish to take to my friend's luau, plus a little booze.

The glasses though... Man, am I stoked. Nothing changes your appearance faster than a haircut or new glasses. I've always been careful to buy trendy glasses that have a great appeal with my face type, but I've never bought really dramatic and bold ones... until now. It was love at first sight. They sat there with the shades clipped on, looking good, but when I flicked the shades off, there was this sexy, dramatic, anything-but-geeky pair of cat's eye librarian specs. They've got this cool art deco flourished arm, about six colours all subtly intertwined make the frames pop even though they're dark.

Someone commented that they liked my eyes are found it puzzling that I'd wear glases to hide 'em. It's all part of protecting my alter ego, Super Steff. By day, a mild-mannered bookish girl, and by night, a whole new thang. But you gotta know the secret-secret handshake and be a keeper of the SoSS decoder ring in order to get the details on that new-thang bit.

Here's the thing that's really getting into my head today: Anyone who was around my life and blog a year or so ago knows that I had a crappy 180 happen in my life -- everything was going along great when suddenly the bottom dropped out. Ran out of employment insurance, nearly lost my apartment not once but twice, my relationship went in the Dumpster, my body chemistry went fucking insane and took me with it, and about a zillion other things happened -- including getting a shitty job with a shitty company that went through a hundred degrading phases in 80 days before I got canned for the first time in my life.

And while all that was happening, I lost two clip-on shades for my two pairs of glasses, and right before my relationship took the final nail in the coffin, I lost my 10-year-old sunglasses I'd always loved.

It seemed to me then that life was telling me I wasn't seeing things clearly and I needed a new perspective. And then, suddenly everywhere I turned, I was hearing Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive. It was highly weird times in the land of Steff.

That I'm finally now able to get glasses that I've always wanted, the most expensive I've ever bought, seems to be the first real inclination that things really are going the way I deserve to have them go.

I don't use the word "deserve" lightly, either. Most people think they deserve things, but all they have is a sense of entitlement. I believe one has to earn things. I believe I've worked hard my entire life, been a good person and set great examples, all while playing well with others. I believe I've been conscious of creating good karma for myself for many years now (no matter how hard things ever got for me, I never used it as an excuse to treat others like shit). I believe I've held in long enough that the tide in my system's really changing and new things are coming ashore for me.

The new glasses are the symbol of it all. Something real, tangible that I get to get out of bed and put on every single day. The new bold, dramatic, and positive Steff, and her glasses. Ha.

This posting strikes me as highly silly, but sometimes silly can be important, too. It's a small thing; the loss of three pairs of sunglasses, the purchase of the new generation thereof, and the symbolism of each. I don't think I'm alone, though, in sometimes being infuriated by life and wishing for a sign -- any kind of sign at all -- that I'm going about things the right way. I figure there's no point in wishing for signs if I'm not willing to do the looking for them. My new glasses are, I'd like to believe, one of them: The sign that I've finally got the right perspective again.

Or at least I'm going to enjoy telling myself that over the coming days and weeks.

Have an awesome Saturday night, everyone.

(BTW: My eyesight's not that bad, even now. I can take my glasses off for a movie, don't need them legally to drive... But love the look most of the time.)